Developing Responsible Wrestlers

One of the struggles coaches and parents deal with is young wrestlers who believe they are entitled and simply deserve to win, or succeed, because of who they are, what team they are on, or because they believe they are better than others.

But anyone who has ever been involved with wrestling clearly knows success is earned, not handed out.

“Anybody that has ever won anything important has had to face adversity, work through adversity, and overcome adversity,” said Lee Pritts, assistant coach at Arizona State University. “When the athletes start to get really good they have to be reminded that entitlement is not the reason they are great. Hard work and discipline are the reasons.”

Coaches and parents should work hard to develop responsible wrestlers—who become responsible adults—versus entitled wrestlers. What is an entitled wrestler?

Entitled vs. responsible:

• Believe they don’t have to do what the coach tells them. Responsible wrestlers listen to coaches, and trust the process.
• Care only about themselves and wins. Responsible wrestlers work to help teammates improve, and pick up and encourage teammates after losses.
• Believe they will succeed just because of the team or club they are on. Responsible wrestlers know that working hard is why any club or team succeeds, so they set out to work hard too.
• Take days off, or skip practices. Responsible wrestlers work hard everyday, and put in the extra effort needed to be great.
• Make excuses if they lose, blaming officials, or coaches. Responsible wrestlers see losing as a learning opportunity, get back to practice, and try to correct mistakes, perfect technique, and improve next time.
• Gripe to parents, asking them to bail them out. Responsible wrestlers ask questions, and work with coaches or teammates to find solutions to problems or concerns.
• Give up when they are behind. Responsible wrestlers put forth effort until the final second ticks off the clock, knowing at any point, they are one good move away from a win.

The Center for Parenting Education said it best: “Placing responsibility on our children enhances their self-esteem by giving them a sense of accomplishment, and showing them that we trust that they are capable of meeting their obligations. It is also an effective way to discourage a sense of entitlement in which children expect that everything will be done for them instead of learning to do things for themselves.”

One of the many challenges that comes with coaching kids is dealing with so many different personalities, including those who may show up feeling entitled based on their advanced skills or simply because of what their parents have told them, said John Engh, Executive Director of the National Alliance For Youth Sports (NAYS), America's leading advocate for positive youth sports and training for administrators, coaches and parents.

Establishing a true team environment is one of the cornerstones of good coaching, even in wrestling. The NAYS recently released a Coaching Youth Sports training video, hosted by ESPN’s Karl Ravech, and featuring some of the top professional and collegiate coaches stressing the importance of getting all young athletes to buy into the bigger picture.

“So regardless of the sport you are coaching, it’s about constantly speaking to the team about doing all the things that go into being the ultimate teammate,” Engh says. “Every game or meet isn’t about them, it’s about the team. It’s about talking to kids about being engaged when they’re on the bench, cheering for teammates and being a constant source of positive energy and support. In wrestling, are those who aren’t involved in a match pulling for and encouraging their teammates, or are they off to themselves only thinking about their match?”

Joe Stabilito, President of Pennsylvania USA Wrestling, and the 2014 USA Wrestling Kids/Cadet Person of the Year, built his wrestling program around developing responsible wrestlers.

“I make sure the team knows that it is important to not only be a good wrestler but they should always respect themselves and others,” Stabilito says. “We always communicate that we believe that family, education, and being a good citizen comes before being good wrestlers.”

How can coaches and parents develop responsible wrestlers? Consider these tips from the Minnesota Hockey article, developing responsible hockey players:

• Hold them accountable. Make sure they find out there are consequences for their actions, both positive and negative.
• Assign tasks. This helps foster responsibility, which does wonders for a child’s self-esteem. They may not be thrilled with some of your requests, especially at first, but it will be beneficial in the long run.
• Resist the urge to do too much for your kids: They must learn to figure things out and solve problems on their own. Sometimes that means they will fail. Failure is a part of life and key to eventual success and self-betterment.

“We make sure that our wrestlers set realistic goals not only around wrestling, but set goals for getting good grades, community service, and wrestling,” Stabilito says. “At the end of the day we want our wrestlers to be responsible for what they do and we always want to give back to the wrestling community with a positive attitude.”

Coaches play an integral role in developing responsible wrestlers at an early age, says William Lam, who spent 30 years as head coach of the University of North Carolina wrestling program. Now retired from coaching, Lam, who has a Master’s Degree in counseling and guidance, started Wrestling With Life, an organization that motivates coaches to enhance player performance both in athletic competition and in life. 

“A coach will influence more lives in a year than most do in a lifetime,” Lam says. “Remember that it is not just about technique and winning, it’s about principles. Vision, integrity, work ethic, mindset. These are qualities that can help them long after they leave the sport. That is what a coach is supposed to do. If they learn these principles then success will follow not only on the mat, but throughout life.”