How Wrestling Helped Shape My Life

Jim Harshaw Jr. was a Division I All-American wrestler at the University of Virginia. Then at age 26, he was the youngest head coach of a Division I wrestling program (Slippery Rock). 

But it took 15 years after his competitive wrestling days for him to realize the power of the life lessons he learned as an athlete. As Harshaw says himself, he had “a failed business, a failing marriage, debt up to my eyeballs, and I was in the worst shape of my life.”

Today Harshaw is a TEDx Speaker, performance coach, and creator of the Success Through Failure Podcast, where over the years, he has interviewed several ex-wrestlers. Wrestlers who have gone on to become astronauts, CEOs, Olympic Gold medalists, Navy SEALS, and New York Times best-selling authors.

“The wrestlers who I’ve interviewed on the Success Through Failure Podcast over the years—including astronauts, CEOs, and Olympians—tend to share a common knowledge that they can do hard things,” Harshaw says. “They have an awareness of the inherent toughness that humans possess. Most people don’t have a crucible experience that reveals their capacity for doing hard things. Wrestling provides that experience so these world-class performers draw on this knowledge of their capacity in order to achieve outsized results.”

Harshaw focuses on what he calls Productive Pause, which he defines as “a short period of focused reflection around specific questions that leads to clarity of action and peace of mind.”

When he asks former wrestlers and guests the key to their success, it’s never what one would expect.

“For the Gold medalist it’s never the training,” Harshaw says. “For the writer, it’s never the writing. It’s always some version of pause. Planning their day in advance, journaling, taking an annual retreat—those are the types of things that come up.”

Harshaw reflected on how he achieved his own successes.

“When I look back on my All-American wrestling career at the University of Virginia, I realize that the single most important hour spent all season was not in the wrestling room or in the weight room or watching film,” he says. “It was the hour that I spent in the pre-season sitting down with the coaching staff setting my goals and crafting a plan to achieve them. If there is such a thing as the secret to success it is the Productive Pause.”

Harshaw said when he was wrestling he had clarity and purpose. This clarity provided a well from which he could draw motivation to do hard things and endure pain and suffering for a worthy cause.

"Most people go through the world lacking purpose, and therefore lack the desire to commit to something big, exciting and even scary," Harshaw says. “And for that reason, they drift toward mediocrity.”

Harshaw struggled to find his purpose, but did find it and has excelled in his profession, becoming a sought after speaker, motivating others who are seeking clarity and success in life. Many others with wrestling backgrounds have used life lessons learned in wrestling to motivate, find happiness or success, or propel them to great things in life. Here are some ways several others in the wrestling community have used the life lessons learned on the mat to obtain happiness and success off the mat:

Coyte Cooper, Ph.D., Bestselling Author, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach

Coyte Cooper was a 2004 141-pound All-American at Indiana University. Today he is a bestselling author, international speaker, and executive coach who is one of the premier experts in the area of personal leadership and maximizing performance. Cooper reflected on a time in his life when the lessons learned on the wrestling mat provided the foundation to overcome a professional challenge he never saw coming—being denied tenure at the University of North Carolina. 

“When I got denied tenure and lost my job at UNC, it was a big challenge for me and my family,” Cooper says. “I had poured everything into my job for six years and now I was in a spot where I was no longer a professor. While it was a challenging time, it eventually led me to some of the biggest breakthroughs I had experienced in my entire life. It was in the middle of this adversity that I got back up and started looking for a better option. This led me to some powerful habits that allowed me to pursue a calling as an author, coach, and speaker.”

Cooper continued: “Honestly, it was my experiences in wrestling that taught me to get back up when facing adversity.  When I was going through this challenging situation, I would often remember the best wrestling coach I ever had (Ron Bessemer) giving me powerful advice as a 15 year old. I was ranked No. 1 in the country and lost first round at the Cadet World Team Trials. As I sat there crying, he came and sat down next to me and said nothing. After a few minutes, he reached over, put a hand on my knee and said, “Coyte, I know you don’t get it now, but you need to get back up and fight. It will matter to you someday. I got back up and fought back and won seven matches to take third place. I remember leaving there feeling like I had failed, but it is the wrestling moment I am most proud of now because I learned how to fight. It was this lesson that I carried with me in my tenure decision to a place I loved. I get up every single day crazy passionate about what I do now.”

Cooper highlighted three traits he learned on the wrestling mat that have influenced his life off the mat:

When it matters, be willing to fight for it: “That lesson from (my coach) taught me to get back up and fight for the things that matter to me most,” Cooper says. “This is something I practice every single day now with my career, family and top value areas.”

“Little” things done consistently add up to big things: “My wrestling career taught me that consistency matters—a lot,” says Cooper. “When you are crazy consistent with the right habits, they will eventually compound and turn into something remarkable.”

We are capable of so much more than we think: “I was fortunate to have some breakthrough moments led by my coach Ron Bessemer that made me realize I had so much more potential than I think,” Cooper says. “This is such a critical lesson! When you learn to believe in your abilities, it will help you thrive in life.”

Tela O'Donnell Bacher, 2004 Olympian, Wrestle Like A Girl Camps Director

Tela is a 2004 Olympian, earned a B.A. in psychology, and is a gender equality advocate. Her passion is empowering girls and women to live to their full potential and capability, while supporting them in developing a positive relationship with exercise and food. Tela was raised by a single mother in Homer, Alaska and grew up in the woods living from, and close to, the Alaskan wilderness. She started wrestling at Homer Middle School in Homer, Alaska after winning a fight against the local school board. Tela went on to place at the Alaskan High School Wrestling State Championships, and at that time, was only the 2nd female in Alaskan history to do so.

She is a 2004 Olympian, 2003 U.S. National Champion, and a three-time Team USA National Team Member. She now works as the National Camps Manager for Wrestle Like A Girl. When she is not planning camps and clinics for WLAG, she can be found on the occasional episode of Discovery’s Alaska: The Last Frontier. Tela homesteads in Homer, Alaska with her husband and their 3 children. She says wrestling taught these life lessons and developed these traits:

To act despite fear: “I coach wrestling at Homer Middle School in Homer, Alaska,” said Bacher. “Coaching middle school allows me the privilege to see wrestlers step onto the mat for their very first match. It is no easy feat to step out onto a stage wearing something only a little larger than a swim suit and test your skills against another person while your peers and mentors watch you. I get to see each new wrestler work through their fear. Win or lose, that first step onto the mat is the choice to act despite their fear. I love to see my wrestlers make that choice. In wrestling we practice recognizing our fear, setting it aside, and stepping up to the challenge.”

Bacher continued: “At every level, we wrestle with fear and doubt. At the 2004 Olympics in Athens, my first match was against a Russian wrestler, Olga Smirnova, who had teched me previous time we wrestled. There was no room for my fears of losing in the first round of the Olympics or fear of getting poked in the eyes (Olga’s go-to defense against my Russian arm tie). Putting my fears aside was easy after years of practice and I was able to focus on the match and ended up winning by pin. After wrestlers train themselves to act despite their fears, stepping up to challenges in other parts of life comes naturally.”

Focus through discomfort: “There are times in wrestling that are uncomfortable, painful, and if you don’t wish you could quit every once in a while then you might not be challenging yourself enough,” Bacher says. “Wresting teaches you to focus though discomfort. You may be exhausted, or that cross face might be uncomfortable, but wrestling demands that you focus on finishing your shot, or finishing the match. Wrestling is refined resilience training. Simple as that.”

To fall safely: “Everyone needs to know how to fall safely,” says Bacher. “Wrestling, gymnastics, and a handful of other sports teach people this skill. According to the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), 1 in 4 Americans aged 65 and older fall each year, making falling the leading cause of fatalities and hospitalizations for older adults in the US. Knowing how to fall becomes hardwired into the brains of wrestlers and knowing how to fall reduces the risk and resulting injury from falls.

Dr. Brooke Zumas

Hailing from one of wrestling’s greatest national hotbeds, the Lehigh Valley, Zumas grew up heavily involved in the sport but without direct opportunities to participate. She has served on the Executive Committee of the Lehigh Wrestling Club and helped to drive grassroots efforts to increase involvement in the sport. As a photographer for Lehigh University and the Lehigh Valley Wrestling Club, Brooke earned the National Wrestling Media Association’s 2012 Photographer of the Year award. In 2014, she transitioned to coaching where she helped lead an inner-city co-ed youth team for 5 years—the first Beat the Streets affiliated team in the Lehigh Valley. Brooke currently coaches freestyle and Greco-Roman in the spring and, during the regular season, is an assistant coach at Parkland High School where they have the largest girls roster in the state of Pennsylvania.

Zumas offered these life lessons:

Giving 100 percent of yourself: "In Greek, the word “meraki” encompasses this idea,” Zumas says. “It means to do something with all of your effort, dedication, passion, and love, so much so that you put a part of yourself into your task. There’s an unspoken agreement about this in wrestling. That is why we applaud the wrestler who attacks the whole match or clap for the person who showed grit, even if they didn’t win. Everyone is valued in wrestling for what they put in. Some of the most memorable matches are the ones where you give the most. If you give everything you have, you have succeeded.”

Zumas continued: 

"In wrestling and in life, we can all strive to give all of ourselves in all we do. This has led me to persistently ask myself if I am giving all that I can. Am I working as hard as I can? Am I being as patient as I can? Am I being the best leader I can? When we are motivated by questions like these, we are more likely to adopt a growth mindset and set our sights on continuous improvement rather than on only outcomes or results.”

Danny Felix, former USA World Team Member and Owner of Felix Wrestling Academy LLC, a Morgantown, West Virginia-based youth wrestling organization

Danny Felix says wrestling has developed his character, taught the value of hard work, and how to be persistence. The former USA World Team Member and Owner of Felix Wrestling Academy LLC, a Morgantown, West Virginia-based youth wrestling organization, elaborated more:

Character: "In my opinion without good character, success anywhere is hard to find," says Felix. "Wrestling was able to build my character through all of its challenges and demands. All my accolades and medals are worth nothing if I'm not a good person. My competitive career as an athlete does not define me, but being the best husband and dad does."

Hard work: "Wrestling has taught me that hard work isn't hard, it's what you make it," Felix says. "The sport of wrestling has prepared me for life. It took me as a boy and it has shaped me into the man I am today. I feel I can do anything because I sacrificed myself in the sport of wrestling. I can't imagine anything harder than what I've already done. So, as I go forward in life as a business owner and not an athlete, I say bring it on it’s just another match."

Persistence: Wrestling has developed a never-give-up attitude, says Felix, and taught him how to overcome obstacles and everyday hurdles in life. “I had many setbacks as an athlete but never allowed myself to stay down. I had to constantly remind myself what I was trying to accomplish. Persistence and believing got me through some of my biggest battles on and off the mat.”

Logan Stieber, 2016 freestyle World Champion, four-time NCAA National Champion for Ohio State University

Logan Stieber had a highly successful International and collegiate wrestling career. He was a 2016 freestyle World Champion, four-time NCAA National Champion for Ohio State University, and a member of the Buckeyes' 2015 national championship team. Now retired from competitive wrestling, Stieber reflected on how wrestling has impacted his life off the mat.

Handling loss: “The biggest thing I learned was how to deal with losses/failures in the sport," said Stieber. "In the real world, this happens every day so once I started learning from them instead of just being mad I lost, I got a lot better. This skill has helped me tremendously outside of my wrestling career.”

Stieber was as dedicated as they come to the sport of wrestling. Now, he's learned when to dial it back.

“I learned to not take everything so serious," Stieber says. "In wrestling everything seems like life or death, but in reality no one cares. So when I have both success and failures, I don't let them get to me, because most likely no one cares so keep pushing towards whatever my goal is."